Monday, January 11, 2010

Catatonic!

Me: We really should take Purrfect the Kitty somewhere professional to get her a bath. He: YES! She is smelling pretty bad! Take her to...Office Max. Me: Oh! You mean Pet Smart next to Office Max? He: No. I mean Office Max. We just take her in and leave her on the counter at the Xerox station and see what happens.

Our cat, Purrfie, is the J.Lo of Kitties. Gorgeous, cuddly, physically strong and SMART. And 15 years young. So, I took her in to the vet last Thursday for a check-up. Found out the poor thing has to get amoxicillin twice a day. The doctor asked me if I would like to try using Greenies pill pockets to give her the medication. The last time we did this, it worked once. Then she was on to me. The rest of the time was like an extra fuzzy wrestling match, me against the cat. Remembering this, I had the doc give me a large syringe-like thingy with which to splash the antibiotic down her throat. Now that I am an expert on this method, I have decided share specific instructions on how to syringe-feed a cat:

1) Get someone strong to be your assistant--preferably a an ex-KGB agent named Boris.
2) Have assistant hold cat firmly with both arms(see picture) with cat facing you.
3) After growling, cat will claw assistant, knock over a nearby bowl of fruit and proceed to hide under the nearest couch or chair.
4) Coax cat out from under furniture by saying "Here Baby, I won't hurt you!" while shaking a can of "Pounce" treats . Repeat #2
5) Talk softly to cat, while holding syringe behind back. Use Kitty Psychology: Explain why she needs medication, that it will help her get well enough to chase mousies again.
6) Moving quickly, surprise cat by opening jaw with one hand and administering medicine with other to one side of the mouth.
7) Devil Cat may then proceed to yowl and shake her head with mouth open, causing pink amoxicillin spatter to cover you, assistant, nearby walls and ceiling. If this happens, wipe off face, refill syringe, and repeat #2.
8) Have NEW assistant (Vinnie the Ox?) open cat's mouth and hold it there with cat's chin pointed to the ceiling.
9) Administer medicine with syringe while standing above cat, aiming at center of mouth. Stand on chair if height impaired. Cat should then easily accept amoxicillan, with no mess and only minor choking.
10) Apply First Aide to assistant and yourself as needed. Drive to hospital if necessary.

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