Monday, January 4, 2010

Falling Up

I have this front door that locks automatically some of the time. So, the other morning, when I go outside to find my cat, I find myself locked out. It is freezing cold--like the MOON, and I am in my jammies and bare feet. Not JUST any jammies, mind you. The ratty, revealing polka-dot ones that don't have all their buttons! They are so revealing that I have taken to wearing the top backwards. What will the neighbors say? Probably "There she goes again!! Why doesn't she ever wear clothes? Or at least sew on her buttons?".

To avoid frostbite and neighborhood controversy, I decide to break into my house. Like an astronaut without gravity, I leap around the side of the house, grab a white vinyl chair and get under the side window to the guest room. It is about 4 1/2 feet off the ground. Just high enough to be difficult. I will have to fall...up!

Fortunately the window is open. I open it all the way, then prepare to launch. Not lunch, LAUNCH. Standing on the chair I carefully throw a leg up and over the window sash. Ow. This is gonna hurt. Pushing off with the other leg, I manage to knock the vinyl chair over. WUMP! I am now straddling the window sill. Where is a saddle when you need one? They make saddles for window sills, don't they? To get inside I do a leg extension that "Dancing With The Stars " would give a perfect 10. And shove off. HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. Falling, I grab a curtain, and taking it and the curtain rod down with me, I gracefully land in a heap of curtains on the bed. Purrfie Kitty, who has been watching from the bed, is catapulted, a yeowling, clawing furrball of fear, towards the ceiling. There she lingers, suspended in mid air for, it seems like minutes, until she lands on my head. Falling Up. One small step for a woman, one large leap for kittykind...

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